Day 4

a view outside from my room at the 4th floor

It's sunny outside but i don't really want to go out from the apartment, at the first time i'm arrived in this country i usually came by to my cousin's house, he's already have two kids, Fadhil and Jarfa, they are so cute, just wait until i get they're picture so i can post out in here.

Oooh God, how do i miss Jakarta so much, i miss my mom and my brother, Ristu. I miss to company mom to get her radiotherapy at the hospital, i miss to fight with Ristu, i miss my boyfriend so much, how to communicate with him even we're having a long distance relationship (Jakarta-Surabaya) were never meant harder than now we do. I miss Aplie so much, i miss to see her a lot. And i miss the other friends of mine, how do i miss to catch up and hangout with them.

Now i have to be more patient because the fact that i got a new job from my cousin, to help him on his project of a drama television at the Production House that he has been work. It means i will spend much more time to live here and it's so damn Arrrrgh!!! I can't explain what is on my mind but this is too much i guess, i can't stop thinking about my mom, how she feels now, how good she is, and the culture shock thingy, and so many things that i better left unsaid, because this is too much! MUCH! oh okay, feels like my brain will be exploded, so i have to finish my word, just now.

Oh Well, Hey..

Just want to follow up a little life of me i will write again a few post in here. The last three months ago i passed the hardest days of my life, while the most time i spent before is about thinking about my future and a dozen plans of mine, i have to face the fact of my mom suffering from her cancer. When i have to stop applying a job that have been so closed to me and decided to choose spending my time to company her and take care of her health.

It's been 22 months she had survived from her cancer after the first diagnose at the last January in 2010. She lost more than 20 kilos of her weight, she looks so fragile, she's been so weak, but even though now she lost her ability to walk alone and her face telling that she tired of her self, i know she's strong enough, i know she can survive to kill her pain. I know you can, Mom..

Now we have to be separated a thousand miles a way, i can't reach you like the passed a month ago when i totally can safe you on the side of your bed at the hospital and having my sight is just around you. It's so hard to let myself leaving you at a time like this. When you pushed me to accompany Dad to finish his duty at the ambassador of Brunei Darussalam, that was hurt a lot, but i promise you to come back soon to pick you up, Mom.. like the first plan we have when Dad tell us about his job mutation. You will be happy to lives here, so get well very soon Mom, i love you. :)

Festive Sound: L.A. Lights Indiefest

After a long time no see, finally i met Oma again, she's back for summer break from her study in China. So, last Saturday we meet up -with Aplie of course- to watch the Festive Sound at Senayan, there are two stage on that music festival, the Calmosphere stage and the Screamosphere stage but we chose to stay enjoying the music performances at the Calmosphere one, cause i actually wait to see the Boyce Avenue. We passed the Calvin Jeremy, The Trees and The Wild -the awesome one, especially when they bring the Berlin song, ah.. love it!- we missed a half performs by The Banery to have the photo session :p and continuing to watch the Barry Likumahuwa Project and The Groove also, get our body move and groove in there too, enjoying their music so much and the last show from the Boyce Avenue.

This is the second time i watch the L.A. Lights Indiefest, the first time i came to this event was about 2 years ago, i only remember that i had watch the Monkey to Millionaire and Zeke and The Popo. Hmm but.. i don't know, it's even i like some of those performs, i don't really get the great atmosphere that i usually feel when i watch the other music festival such as JavaJazz or JakJazz, i just feel lost the excitement when i came here like i had the same one condition when i watched the Soundrenaline on last 2009, it's not about the genre of these music i thought but something missing on that event, or maybe i lost my soul for a while, no?

The Little King?

On last weekend I'm having a long day outing to accompany Aplie repairing her broken notebook at Mangga Dua, and dropped by to Ratja Ketjil at Rooftop Sky Dining Plaza Semanggi to have our late lunch. I remember that i never post out this place at my blog, so here is a short of my point of view about the place, I love their concept and the ambiance as you can see at the pictures above. It feels so homey to stay there and get the good foods, such a warm house to hang out with. And oh ya, that day we met Marcel and his girlfriend, Ochi. We're having a nice talk, watching Blitz -the movie was really cool I thought- and we take some time to buy these and those at the midnight sale. Yaha!

Jakarta Fair 2011, Mom's Happiness!

I actually don't have much word to write, I just want to upload a picture of mine with my brother anyway. Ha! This picture was captured by my cousin when we've been accompanied our mommy to take a look the Jakarta Fair 2011 on last Monday. Unfortunately I did not take her picture, but i cannot forget how she looks that day, I know she's happy. :)

Now I Know..

"From what you're telling me I'm thinking..
You feel like something is missing
I could be that piece you think that you need
Not sure you see what I see..
But I'm seeing something special
There's something blooming in the distance,
wonder if we'll get there?"
-Gabe Bondoc

Currently love to playing his song on and on
oh God, i just love him, much. :)
click this for visit his new video post on youtube, enjoy!

My First Sketch!

Have a short conversation with my friend and he promise me to make a sketch of mine. So i thought why i don't make it by my self? I used to think to draw it but i really can't draw, yea.. if you ask me to draw a couple mountain including their coffee shop near by the road, i will, but drawing a face into a sketch? Haha! It's impossible.

So, why don't give my self a try? my mind said that. Then i chose a picture of me and edit the photo into an edge to make a basic pattern of your face by using the Photoshop CS, done it? Open the Paint at your windows and start painting your photo with a pencil. Drawing line per line, one piece of your hair per hair and be patience to wait until your sketch done. Easy? Haha again, just try.. I already done sketching mine less than 3 hours. Ain't bad at all, right? Yay! :)

I Quit Playing Pretend

You may hear me laugh but you will never see what is going on behind my back, how bigger this pain i own on my shoulders, how they're irritates me. So i smile, fake smile. What did you expect? I am not that strong. So starting today i will stop pretending everything is okay because it's not. Then will you stop asking me, am i okay? you got this, I'm not okay.

On a Sunday Afternoon

I've been watching The Romantics movie, played by Katie Holmes and Josh Duhamel. The line is about nothing complicates friendships like love. I don't really enjoy the movie so much but totally love their soundtrack, so beautiful. Here they are some of the songs I've been play round and round lately;

Son Lux - Betray
The Zombies - This Will Be Our Year
The Bird And The Bee - Preparedness
Bedouin Soundclash feat. Coeur de Pirate - Brutal Hearts

enjoy the songs! :)

Pray For Life

"The size of your problem represents the size of your blessing." - @twis_ter

Last week, i felt like i had fall by a gigantic storm, it's pouring, the wind was blowing me down. It seems like i cannot move my body, it's even harder for me to stir my tongue to reach a help. The unexpected moments against my heart and I'm bleeding! -gaaahh.. now it feels like I'm over react, right? Okaaayy.. anyway, the quote above represents my problem now. I've been drunk, intoxicated and over satisfied by the reality, I'm on a high confident to face my life, how is my future supposed to be so I'm neglecting what i have to believe. Simply word, arrogant. Me... means nothing in the name of God, Allah. Remember how God can make you survive in your life, give you some happiness, give you a mercy, give you a love. And easy me, forgetting who am i, what i have to do, yea.. call it praying. So shortly mind of me, i don't want to fall in the same hole like i did yesterday and i only want to say this, you must learn to not easily being proud of what you get today, keep remembering your self to be grateful and thankful to God for what you had and have shared with others, that's how you live, that's all life. Oh, life. :)

PS: but you should know there is always a lesson from every problem toward you. :)

23rd! :)

I feel like the luckiest person in the world because...

Today is my birthday, today is my very first time interview in some retail company as a graphic designer, today i got a new friend, today i have a new experience, today i got tons of attention, today my brother became so nice to me -he did it always, but today was special, today my mom kissed me, today i got a warm hug and also kisses from my daddy, today Apli has being really sweet to me, today I'm full of blessings from my family, friends, and the strangers, today i got a side job from my friend, today my cousin offering me a different job, today my little neighbor sent me some of cute cupcakes made by her, today i got a bunch of happiness and i finally realized that no matter what makes me feel alone.. there's always someone come up to me and raise me up, and the last, today i keep being me and it always be.

You know what, i don't need any celebrating moment of my day when i finally get these things. This is what i called precious, i feel priceless. This is my day, thanks for all, God. :)

21.06: She Needs Me

I don't know where she is now but suddenly she's talking to me on my messenger that she needs me. She needs my appearance around her and all i can do is giving her a smile and telling that she had me on her side, right here, even when we're separate this distances.

I know how it feels being alone when your head full of things you've been thinking whole day. Maybe the unspoken thingy, made your brain works harder to remember some of thoughts and feelings. And you need is a friend to share, but no one can feel you the same just like you want to tell the most. The closest friend of yours.

I sad when she down, but the feeling of being needed by someone you love is the best feeling ever. Cause no matter what it is, she/he has placing you on her/him top list i guess. The trusted one.

Quick Dinner at Dimsum Bamboo

Here is a short post when I'm craving over about dimsum last week, and I'm begging to Apli and Marcel to accompany me to catching up that Chinese food. And they did, so happy! So on last Saturday nite we surfed to Dimsum Bamboo at Boulevard Kelapa Gading and got a very quick dinner. Cause at Dimsum Bamboo we only have an order until 9.00 pm meanwhile we're just arrived at 8.30 before they close the resto at 9.30. Why so quick to the last order? it's because their rule. Dimsum Bamboo has an "all you can eat" program just for 43k and the rule is you can't order the menu, the waiters will served the foods to you and you choose what you like to eat. You cannot take those all foods which the waiter serve you except you really want to eat that cause if you left one of a piece, you have to pay it in a different charge. But i recommend this to you to come earlier so you have a time to eat that much, cause for just an hour -just the three of us- can ate more than 25 plates! Haha, it's worth.

Congratulations, Daddy!

...for the job placement to Embassy Of The Republic Of Indonesia in Bandar Seri Begawan, Brunei Darussalam on the next June. Thank God, finally you got it! :)

A Letter To Stephani Haryanto

Pssst.. I used to give you this letter before you go to China but it's too late to print and give this to you at the airport. And the photos i grabbed on your blog at that time still on progress to make it into a video post to you, -blame it mas Adjuk! he still busy doing his things, hehe- but the video will be aired soon, i promise you! :DDD And well here it is, the letter:

A Letter To Stephani Haryanto
Jakarta, 5.47 am
January 16, 2011

Oma...
I suddenly miss you!
it's been two hours I'm stalking your blog
saving your pictures and preparing to keep it before you go to China
preparing to be tough when your gone
here they are..
here they are..
aaarrrgh!
this tears starting me down, mellow.. just for thinking about ya.
Ommaaa..
can you just stay here?
can you just accompany me, here..
we could share many things,
we could sing our favorite songs out loud together,
we could buy our favorite foods, remember that you like fine dining so much and dress up beautifully,
we could hurt each other (sounds so wrong, but ya know.. the 'jambak-tendang-tabok' things, i will miss em that much)
we could buy a drink and feel free to get drunk all night long,
we could do our great time together! :( :( :(
Omaaa..
will you be the same like the old you when you got there?
will you remember me, missing me like i do to you?
will you stopping your busy thingy right there for a second just to say "Hi" to me on a chat-room?
will you keep posting your blog like i asked you on our last meeting?
will you send me your digital hug when i feel so damn tired and sad, when i need you?
ah, when you read it i can't hear your answer. :( :( :(
Momma!
promise me you'll be okay over there,
promise me you'll hit your cousin's value!
promise me you'll be back soon with your new you,
and promise me that you'll never give up with this long distance relationship between us! (sound so weird..)
but well well..
Ommmaaaaa..
i won't say goodbye to you..
here is my letter, hope you'll smiling next to your window at the plane and watch the sky and i down here..
just like Rangga smiling back to Cinta, you know..
and I'll be Cinta waiting you here..
waiting you come back to Jakarta again and bring me your best!
have a safe flight Omaaa..
I love you, my truly friend of mine. :)

February 20th, The Farewell

I never felt so strong like yesterday when i accompanied Oma to the airport and watching her saying goodbye to me. It’s the last warmest hug i feel to her, seeing and hearing her voice and in a real for the last time was the worst part of that day. She will be left to China for a year, but i thought it will be so long cause i still like to keep remembering so many great time i have ever spent with her, and it hurts so much to know that we’ll be separated in a long time and it’s distances. She’s a place i usually came by when i feel sad and i want to reach her just to asked a hug. But that day she left, i don’t want her to see me cry cause all i want is watch Oma has succeeded her study and coming back soon to Indonesia to give her best. But errr.. to be honest, I finally released my tears on my way back home and starting to miss her. I’m gonna miss you much, Oma.. so take care there. :')

The Beach Night Out

A couple days before Oma left to China for her study, we watched Barry Likumahua Project (BPL) on New Friday Jazz Nite at Ancol. The show was awesome! You know what really nice perform of these guys? They covering You Know Me So Well by Sm*sh into jazz! I love it not because i like Sm*sh but their music was really cool, wohoo.. so adorable and i want to see them again next time.

The show was ended at 10 pm, so after that we’re moving to Bandar Djakarta to get a dinner. And then at midnite coming, we’re going to the beach and walking barefoot in the white sands and play a swing near by the beach, having a nice conversation, enjoying the fresh air and laugh out loud like we were still a child. At that night we got plenty stories and humors to tell, and we shared it. You know, i’m gonna miss every single day we’ve been done through this year together, Oma, Apli... I love love love you two. :)

Full Day of Happiness

a sweet taste of Roejak Tjampoer at Sagoo

Went out to Kelapa Gading Mall with Apli to hunt and buy a sweater for Oma, to warm her in the winter before she's going to China on next Sunday. And then having lunch at Sagoo, a Chinese resto that serve Indonesian foods, as you can see a bit by these pictures above that they bringing us back to the 70-90’s memories! They sell some ‘jajanan’ and old stuffs that we really hard to find in this year lately, like at this picture, have you ever heard a drink called, ‘badak’? Haha, i’ve never! This is the second time i came here and i still want it more next time, it’s a nice place to chill.

On the next couple hours we met Oma and watching No Strings Attached. So romantic, here i come to put a quote on that film, “if you come any closer, i’ll never let you go.” That was Ashton Kutcher said to Natalie Portman when he try to convinced her to accept his love. That was sooo romantic! I want him!!! Yeaa, but well then, before we’re going back home, Oma and i decided to come in the Forbidden Dynasty Qin, a kind of Chinese haunted house at La Piazza. No need to ask... we obviously scared of that creepy thingy on that dark jungle setting in there. But i reference it to you who want to practice screaming with your mate. A perfect place to release your scream out loud. Enjoy! ;)